I suppose there comes a time in everyone’s life when we feel like we are reduced to nothing. Mine came not so long ago when a certain someone thought it best to play with fire and burn other people along the way. And I guess, my trusting nature had me on fire right away.
I’ve always had a difficulty in grasping the truth that some people have the capacity to do harm against others. I cannot quite comprehend the desperation that occurs when one decides to do awful things to good people. Now, I’m not saying that I’m the best person in the world, because I make mistakes as well. However, I would like to believe that I will never be one to place others in horrible situations just because I am desperate.
I’ve been burdened with this dilemma for almost a year now, and no matter how hard I’ve tried to take it in stride, I still have moments when I wish I could turn back time and things would be different. This dilemma has taken me aback most days. I feel as though I am incompetent, sometimes even stupid. How could I have allowed this to happen to me? This cloud of regret keeps hanging over my head like a storm cloud always ready to burst into heavy rains. I feel hopeless and weak, and worse, uninspired. Meanwhile, the person responsible for this, is free and most probably does not give a damn on what effects the actions made had on everyone burned.
I am told that I should never write when I am overwhelmed with emotions, but somehow I feel the urge to just put everything out into the open and let it go. I have to do this for myself now, otherwise, I may not be able to rid myself of these awful thoughts.
This is for YOU.
I cannot fully comprehend what went on in your mind when you thought about doing this. In fact, did you even think about the consequences of your actions? Did you even think how your choices would affect the lives of others? Others who have been nothing but good to you?
Who are you?
Who are you to think that you could harm other people and walk away unscathed? Do you even know how it makes us feel? How your deception and lies, and bad decisions have factored out in our lives?
I’m sure you will never know, and you will never care.
You made me second-guess myself. You made me uninspired. You disgust me. You used to disgust me.
Today’s tears are the last. Because today, you cease to exist in my world.
Because to me, you are nothing.